Martin Luther King Jr. Day

“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness’
God created man in His own image, in the image of God
He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:26a, 27a

Note:  One race only – the Human Race in many colors, many tribes – one humanity.  And man has perverted these things and judges others in their differences as “less than” and “not equal to me”.  But it is not so in the Kingdom of God.  And one day, God Himself will reconcile it all to His plan and design.

“A voice is calling,  ‘Clear the way for the LORD in the wilderness;
Make smooth in the desert a highway for our God.  “Let every valley be lifted up,
And every mountain and hill be made low; And let the rough ground become a plain,
And the rugged terrain a broad valley;  Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
And all flesh will see it  together; For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.’” Isaiah 40:3-5

Note: The Bible is filled from end to end with God’s plan for unity.  Such words to us: to examine our hearts to see that we are in the Faith; to give preference to others; think more of others than ourselves; to love others as we love ourselves; to care our neighbor as we do [care for] ourselves. God’s word commands us to be of the same mind as one-another, and to be at peace with all men where possible in us.

So yes, it will all happen as told in Isaiah 40 (and elsewhere in those 66 books) when God is ready to bring this age to a close, and in the meantime you and I could and can choose to embrace everyone – for everyone has been created in God’s image. 

Today our nation remembers Martin Luther King Jr. for his efforts to help us remember and recognize that all people of all colors are those created in Gods’ image, and we have the choice this day and every day to embrace every individual we encounter as just that.  

When I speak, think, or act today, will it be burned up in the fires of Christ on judgement day, or move with me into Eternity.  As I read the Scriptures, those things that will burn will be all those that were not done “in Christ”

“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is:
fear God and keep His commandments,
because this applies to every person.
For God will bring every act to judgment,
everything which is hidden,
whether it is good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

A little light for the day

A short story; actual and factual.   About a year and a half ago I developed double vision, which took some getting used to.  For a while Mary Jane did all the driving, but my eyes began to accommodate the problem, and today I see as I should, except when watching a movie, TV, or my pastor on Sunday morning.  

There, I see two.

In the early months as I was getting used to seeing two of everything, also dealing with the balance issues that were exacerbated by the double vision, I had to learn how to watch for even slight variations in elevation when walking.   Even when we were dating more than 25 years ago, she would tell me that I was the only person she’d ever met that fell off sidewalks.  So you see, my balance then was not much better than today (but that’s another story).

A year ago, we were on a friends boat and I had gone to the upper deck to sit, when someone called from below and said snacks were available in the galley.   Not one to miss treats, I started to go below – but failed to look where my foot was placed on the deck above the staircase as I began to go down.

My left foot was apparently further out on the deck than I realized, so when my massive weight shifted as I began to step down  with  my right foot— my planted deck shoe slipped off the deck and  I went down feet first, landing on my back on the deck below.  Thankfully the staircase was narrow, the steps steep, so I only bounced 8 times, and didn’t break anything other than my pride. 

My very first words as others rushed toward the noise of my feet and body bouncing along…:

“Well, that’s the fastest I’ve moved in a long time and for sure the the quickest ever to come down a flight of stairs!”

I Choose You…

“I choose you!”  It’s more than just a phrase from Mary Jane’s favorite Christmas movie – Family Man, although it is a crucial turning point in the movie.  It’s also what we hear implied in Ephesians 1:4 as God chose you and me before the foundation of the world and predestined us to adoption as sons through Christ.  Deeper into the Scriptures the opportunity to choose is given to us all in Romans 10:9-11: “…if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”

  We have the opportunity to choose our education, where to live, career, where to spend our free time, and a whole lot more. For varied reasons we each chose our spouse, and now daily we must choose to live out that choice as unconditional, or bail and make other choices that in the end move us away from God, because with every choice there are consequences.  Some are good, some not so…

It’s choice that starts affairs, drugs, alcohol, gambling, and using pornography, and each of these lead to disastrous consequences – sometimes quickly, but inevitably for sure over time.

Romans 10:13 tells us that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved to eternal life with God.  Now that’s a powerful consequence.  Romans also tells us that we all fall short of God’s grace on our own and are declared sinners, and that without choosing Christ the consequence is spiritual death and eternal separation from God.

Our feelings may be involved in what we love, but loving is and always has been a choice.  In life and marriage as time passes, it often becomes a daily choice, seeming sometimes to be a chore, or burden, but God has promised that as we among  those He has adopted into His family, obey His Word, we will receive blessings upon blessing in heaven for our choice.

Dallas Willard said that it should be more than just choosing right things for those that God has called (chosen). He said we should become the kind of people who would chose those things out of our transformed character.  The deeper we love and trust God, the more what Dallas said becomes a reality in our lives.  We know it’s in the grinding of life, not the easy times that God develops our Christ-like character.

As we head into Summer I propose we challenge ourselves to make a daily choice to love our spouse in rich ways.  Perhaps ask the question of each other:  On a scale of 1-10 where do you see me as a husband/wife and where is the health of our marriage?  Follow that up with:  Is there one thing I can do today that will move that marker upward?

For some folks, summer lightens up the schedule, and for others it intensifies.  If you are among those who can carve 15-20 minutes a day with your spouse, I encourage you to choose to read John Gottman’s book: “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” and use some of the exercises he gives to draw closer to your spouse.   Read it out loud to one another – it will feed your soul and marriage.

Hidden Things

I ended my letter last month with the thought that while we will always be waiting, sometimes it’s wondering if God is waiting on us to step up to the plate and get serious about our walk with Him.   Since then I’ve asked myself, what keeps you and me from becoming so serious with Christ that it unleashes our inner hunger for Him to the extent that we beg for the character change He promises us in Phil 1:6, 9-11

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. … And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

 That perfection is our Christ-like holiness, and yes I know that perfection never fully arrives until heaven, but again I ask what keeps me from getting so serious, such that my spouse and others can see movement toward that goal?

Is it that we hide?  If so who am I hiding from, and why?  Our model, the Son of God, keeps nothing from the Father, and as parents we want to know what our children need and think, so we can guide them along the way to maturity. So, if I’m hiding, is it from God, and is my maturity thwarted because I hide from Him like Adam and Eve?

Luke 8:17 tells us:  “For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light “, and Psalm 139:7-24 reminds me just how much God knows me:  “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?”  Jesus tells us in John 14:26 that God has sent the Holy Spirit to live in us to teach us all we need.  So hiding from God never works, but still we try.

Is it possible that we hide from ourselves?  Have I failed myself at this point in my life, because I will not acknowledge a stronghold, pain from past hurts, or what I see as shameful behaviors past or present?  Am I holding myself hostage?  What part of God’s grace am I refusing to accept so I don’t have to face – me?  Is it possible that in my failure to fully accept His forgiveness on the cross and totally removing my shame, I have a form of prideful idolatry also thwarting my maturity?

Taking it further, are we hiding from our spouse?   Genesis 2:24 gives us the picture of oneness in marriage, unlike any other living beings — except the oneness found in the Trinity itself.   Our cell phone, FaceBook, Computer, past and future desires should all be fully known and open to them.  In couples I’ve worked with over the years, I’ve noticed this kind of openness is more easily done by the very young, but more difficult for those with a “past”, or fears of having secret things uncovered.  How much should I share with my spouse?   What happens to our relationship when I stop sharing about some things?

Yet God knows them all, and we should be working toward that kind of openness and vulnerability with our spouse.  The rewards are too great to let fear or lack of trust keep us from the oneness designed by God.

What does my hiding do to my relationship with my spouse and my God?  I believe it puts a roadblock to real connection, and we all miss out.   Honestly, it also puts a roadblock in truly getting to know ourselves.

Perhaps the first step to greater openness and oneness is to remember that nothing, no NOTHING is hidden from God and we only fool ourselves if we hide things clearly from Him, our spouse, and ourselves.  Ask God to reveal the hidden strongholds and fears, and ask Him to do what only He can do — break them down. When He does break them down, confess them, receiving His forgiveness and bury them once and for all.

Read Luke 8:17-18 again “For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.  So take care how you listen; for whoever has, to him more shall be given; and whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has shall be taken away from him.”

On our knees before a loving God who died in our place, ask Him how to begin sharing more of our heart and self with Him and our spouse.   I’m not advocating going and dumping every hidden morsel of our junk, but digging deep and to begin.  It may hurt, and sharing with our spouse requires that they be ready to hear some things that perhaps they should already have heard, but we’ve both avoided and kept hidden.   So keep Ephesians 5:11-12 in view as you prepare to more fully expose your inner self to them. Ask permission for a time free from distractions and tender emotions – and ask them to hear you all the way through and to only ask kindly for clarification if necessary.  “Is there more?”

“Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;  for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.” Ephesians 5:11-12

In closing this month, draw near to these words from the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:14:  “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”   As we listen to the Spirit within us and walk with Jesus, He awakens us to truth, love and grace and He does indeed shine on us. The journey may sometimes be difficult, but God will perfect us through it, for we have nothing to hide from God.

Waiting

Waiting

I begin this letter as I do most monthly letters at 2 am in the morning having gone to bed as I do nightly asking God to speak to my heart and reveal what I need to become more focused on Him and less on me.  John the Baptist phrased it, “He must increase, I must decrease” and Dr Dallas Willard encouraged us to pray “Help me to want to want what I don’t want now” as it relates to that small gnawing hunger in us for Christ-likeness, that is in reality a looming and most often hidden chasm.

So I wait.

As I lay here tonight my mind is drawn into that very word – wait.  Where for example do I see it in my day, in the lives of others, and in the Bible.   In all marriages there is one who waits for the other?   Often it is as one of us thinks being on time for this event is important and the other does not feel that compulsion.  (Note: neither is necessarily right or wrong, life it turns out is not black and white, it’s colorful with unimaginable hues.)  We also wait in traffic, for childbirth, at the airport, for a movie or play to begin, for recognition, to grow up, for health to return when sick, and the list goes on and on – ultimately we wait for Christ to return.  Now and then — okay often — others wait for us.

Is our waiting in vain?  Do we learn while waiting, or reflect back on a situation that involved waiting, and get frustrated, angry.  Do we seek to understand God’s perspective on such things?  Romans 8:22 tells us that the whole creation groans in the pain, waiting for the coming of Christ to bring His sons and daughters to heaven. And in the meantime, are we teachable, as His Word has called us to be – using our waiting to allow God to change our character, so that year by year we grow closer to Him and in our actions become more Christ like?

What would you see in me if my patience, understanding, and empathy was revealed when I’m stuck in traffic, or waiting in line in a store?  How might I use those times to draw closer to Christ; perhaps by refreshing myself by recalling scripture that I’ve memorized or wish to learn from.  Could God use it for His purpose if I’d engage someone in that line and show care for them?  Perhaps I could use it as a time of prayer to engage Him.   Is our “waiting” to lay in ambush of others, or is waiting an opportunity to draw close to the One who created us?

It’s in impatience and selfishness that greed, violence, fornication, adultery, and the other fleshly pursuits from Gal 5 become the outflow of waiting, but it is in seeking to give glory in our whole life to Jesus, who gave all for us, that He reveals a greater good that comes from everyday “waiting”.

Getting up out of bed and going to my study Bible after considering my own thoughts on waiting, I begin to read, and God speaks in quiet whispers.   Often the Word uses the word wait/waiting in the context of entrapment or attacking others.   Joyfully it also tells us that what we suffer now (as we wait) is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.  Titus 2:11-14 expresses it well:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people,  training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self- controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,  waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,  who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.We will continue as long as we have breath to “wait” on others, and can view those times with the world view, or as Christ might give us a vision to see differently.  And in these things and times, we wait for God. Or is it really?  Perhaps it’s that God is waiting for us to join Him and continue ourjourney toward holiness?

Is There Light in You?

Is there Light in You?

Matthew 5:14-16 says: “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

We live in the small valley across from the 2700’ tall Camelback Mountain, and occasionally at night someone with a flashlight overstays the park closing hour and stands on top of the mountain, and the light from that flashlight shines brightly across the dark distance, perhaps 2 miles from us.   The lesson: “light penetrates darkness.”

The word “light” makes its first Bible appearance in Genesis, verse 1:3, as God commands light to appear, separating light from the darkness.  As we read on we learn that light is revealed in later passages as Christ, “Light of the world”, and here in the Gospels, Jesus tells us that we are now His Light in and to the world.

Many other passages remind us that light is from God and not meant to be hidden, but revealed, just as the small flashlight atop Camelback at night shines so far.  All four Gospels, like Matthew 5:16 above tell us to let our light shine that all may see our good works, and glorify our heavenly father.   Take the time to do a study on the word LIGHT in the Old and New Testaments and discover for yourself why it is used 200+ times.

Jesus reminded his followers in John 8 that He is the Light, and that those who follow Him will not walk in darkness, but have in them the Light of Life.  If His Light in us does not change our actions and what our spouse sees is selfish and sinful, 1 John29:9 tells us that we are still in darkness.   I believe these reminders might quickly draw us back to Psalm 26:2, where David cries out to God to examine his heart, and to test his mind and heart.  That may well take us to the whole of Psalm 139 – 24 short verses that peel our lives to the core before a God who knows everything about us and is with us as we grow a desire to live as His Light, instead of remaining in our selfishness and sin.  The lesson:  Christ is THE light, and t is given to us so that we might reveal Him to the world and that we might open ourselves to the vast void in our souls that can only be filled by our deepening relationship with Christ.

I’ve written before that Louie Giglio encourages his congregation to live to make Jesus famous, Francis Chan tells us to live with a focus on Eternity not life here on earth, and Dallas Willard said that that doing right things is good, but becoming the kind of person who would choose those things is best.  Recently Larry Crabb and Jamie suggested that the Kindness of God in us, puts Jesus on display for others.  Eph 5:32 sums it up saying that Marriage is designed by God to be a reflection of the relationship Christ has with His Church — becoming a display case for the Kingdom.  It is only His Light in us that is the Kingdom display case.

I don’t know about you, but being a consistently kind and fruit bearing display case is difficult, nay impossible for me.  If you know me, you know I’m selfish, but as my heart hungers more for Christ to be “in me”, my hope and desire is that my consistency grows over time and that it’s observable by others.   Jamie posed questions for us that we might ask our spouse – the one person we probably most demonstrate our selfishness before.    “What is it like to live with me?” and “Do I display Christ before you?”   Are you courageous enough to ask them?  The lesson: How might God grow me and our marriage by examining His light in our lives?

God’s design is that His Light is seen by all  As Christ-followers change their selfish and sinful actions to those that reveal Christ and become more and more attractive to other Christians,  they may in fact open themselves to ridicule and worldly scorn. Does the Light that God commanded at Creation penetrate the darkness and shine through me?  The lesson: What is Christ to you?

God’s Design and Plan is NOT a Dead or Dying Marriage

Marriage is the foundational human relationship designed and given by God to mankind in the Garden of Eden.     It is the most powerful, life changing gift He gave us, and I have come to believe that among the odious things man does before God are: failing to make our marriage what He intends, and giving into a dead or dying marriage.    

Marriage is designed by God to thrive, change us, produce godly character in both of us, and be a most powerful testimony of His love – even as Ephesians 5:32 tells us that: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

What that says to me is that our marriage should become a display case for the Kingdom, and because that is God’s plan for man, Satan will throw everything he can at our marriage to make us lousy display cases for God. That the church is filled with weak and poor display cases says much about Satan’s power today.  Sadly there are too few still imperfect yet wonderful displays of biblical marriage. But those few SHINE – because God’s power trumps Satan’s – every time.

That said, every marriage takes work, sometimes hard work, and churches and marriage ministries are the “heels dug-in, ground-holders for biblical marriage”, and they work tirelessly to bring those tools for Christ-following couples that will remind them of His plan and purpose for their marriage.

Like others around the country who are serving in marriage ministries, we are aware that the simple tool called “date night” can be most powerful to bring couples back into alignment with each other – and with God. I know you’ve heard it from me before – the most powerful dates are those where the basic guideline is to have fun, and not talk about kids, issues, finances, and work.  

Date Night Comedy Tour is one such effort to help provide that fun evening of reconnection in our lives.     This event has been hosted all over the country for the last half decade and countless marriages have regained purpose and focus to make their marriage come alive before God, each other, family and friends, becoming healthier Kingdom display cases.     Our desire is to stay joined with this movement to restore biblical marriage in America, and see SBC as a “Marriage Church” in our state.

Date Night Comedy Tour is coming to Scottsdale Bible Church on Friday, February 12. It’s been timed to coincide with Valentine’s Day and another national event (National Marriage Week) with the same purpose of raising the bar for Marriage in America.

Get the date night habit in your marriage – whether you fly to Paris, Rome or New York, or sit on the sofa in your own home and find the fun things that bring you together again.     (We’ll help with the latter, as we post weekly “date night discussion questions” on SBC’s Facebook/Marriage page –     https://www.facebook.com/ScottsdaleBibleMarriage/.) And we’ll continue to provide Date Night events, and Grow Your Marriage (GYM) studies to sharpen your walk

This month, I hope you will join the fun on the 12^th, as we’re bringing a whole team from around the country for an energetic night of laughter and fun together. Many couples have found these nights a kick-start for re-connection and a building block to bring life back to their marriage.   Whether your marriage is frozen or on fire, Date Night Comedy Tour can be a significant time to give glory to the King of Kings as we see hundreds of couples truly enjoying one another.

Addictions and the Examined Life

I have to face it – I have an eating addiction.   When I’m stressed, I look for food. It usually comes when I’m in a social setting and become uncomfortable in that setting, wishing to be somewhere alone with a good book. I don’t go looking for a big meal – I just stand near the food and graze. It’s self-medication. For the most part, I’m emotionally isolated in those situations, so I eat.  I tend to defend my actions by comparing myself to other people — I don’t drink, smoke, or watch porn, and my doctors tell me I’m only a few pounds – ok double digits – from the government set standards.    But that’s still just pretty-good self-justification.

What it takes is not self-justification, but self-evaluation.   Yes the Bible reminds us to examine ourselves to see if we have true faith (Psalm 26:2), to examine how our heart responds to wise reproof or correction (Proverbs 9:7), and since marriage is a mutually formative relationship, to examine the way our behavior affects our spouse (Proverbs 27:15-17).  It may also behoove us to observe the actions of others around us and evaluate our actions against the world’s values and see if ours equate to God’s design for us.     (For example, what actions and behaviors has He laid out for us in the Ten Commandments, that are different from what we do and observe in movies, books, magazines, the news, etc..)

Too often over the years I’ve seen the damage that addiction to drugs, alcohol or pornography has done to a couple’s relationship.  What a miracle then to see a marriage change and grow, when the addiction has been acknowledged, and the one with the addiction “gets it” and begins to deal with their problem.   How much greater a miracle occurs when the offended spouse also gets with God and truly offers unity, support and forgiveness to their addicted partner instead of nagging, criticism or shutting down.

Similarly, I’ve seen both men and women experience great weight gains and I know they’ve not worked on their relationship to grow closer over time, and it has resulted in significant marital drift. Is there a correlation between the drift and weight gain? Drift may indeed have a key role, but there are other factors at play also.   In my case, my food grazing addiction is my reaction to stress that comes from the soul wounds that I brought into our marriage – and our soul wounds certainly play a role for us all.

It’s my belief that we all have at least some minor, perhaps major addictions, and the point of this letter is to challenge you and I to look closely, with God, and examine where such things may be influencing our actions, even our subconscious thoughts and ask for help if He reveals an area that we need to acknowledge. Also I hope that those being hurt by a spouse’s addiction will be able to recognize that healing never comes from condemnation of their spouse but only through godly Christ-like behavior toward their spouse. In my case, Mary Jane, who is the more social one of the two of us, keeps a close watch in those social settings, to see if I’m stressing — by observing how close I am to the food, and coming to my side to help me with my discomfort.

You may be asking where you would go. The Church has great resources which you can find on our website. Or, you can Google a topic – “help with …” addictions, heroin, pornography, alcohol, marital drift, etc. and find a wealth of support. Just make sure that the articles you look at have a biblical foundation. Perhaps one place to start is with the Reflections and Applications below

Is Jesus Enough?

It was at Starbucks, and we were sitting with new friends Rod & Marjie Barnett, whose daughter had become a beloved part of our family while staying with us during her internship here in Phoenix.   Rod shared how he had been in the hospital with stage 4 cancer and was in crushing pain when the curtain opened to reveal a pastor.   The pastor related how he had been driving by when prompted by God to go pray for a man in this room. It was just a prompting of the Holy Spirit that led him to Rod’s bedside, as they were unknown to each other. The pastor prayed then closed the curtain leaving my new friend puzzled, then suddenly the curtain opened again. The pastor had returned to say: “Before I Go, I have one question: If Jesus was all you had, is He enough?”

My friend laid there pondering this question and found himself repeating again and again that YES, Jesus is enough, and that he would never abandon Christ, even as God has promised never to abandon him. He was reminded once again that setting our mind on the things above comes before our ability to move our focus off our circumstances to those things of Christ. Focusing on our circumstances is most often the normal response to life, yet Paul tells us we can change that focus. (See Col 3:1-3)

That meeting at Starbucks was nearly three years ago, and Rod continues to find that significant strength in Jesus alone. At Starbucks, Rod shared wisdom that only comes from above, and I’ve held fast to it in the years that followed. Rod wrote recently giving me permission to share his story here and his paraphrase from Psalm 16:11: “Life is good, because God is in control.”

The Great Commandment first found in Deuteronomy 6:5 tells us that we must love the Lord God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and love our neighbors as our self.   When I am asked to do a wedding ceremony, I often follow the reading of that Scripture by reminding the bride and groom to stay close to God; that the Bible, prayer, and worship are our binding glue, while mentors and like-minded groups (and friends like Rod) will impart God’s wisdom to us.

I remind them that emotions WILL rise from time to time moving our focus quite naturally on circumstance, but to raise our focus to the things above, letting kind and gentle words pave our way. Laughter and regular fun help. Ultimately, living centered on Christ, in ever-greater selfless consideration of each other, our marriage becomes the strong three-cord strand that God designed for us.

We all need to see Christ so clearly, so up close and personal that we realize, and understand like Rod, that Jesus is worthy of our losing everything we value in life in order to know Him. The more we know Him the better we are able to serve Him. The more clearly we see God, the more we are able to give to one another, fulfilling the call of the Scriptures.

Marriage is a radical servant-hood and as I wrote last month, it is the end of our perceived entitlements in life, “our rights” and personal comfort.   Keep in mind that the rights and entitlements we think we have before marriage are just an illusion, since ultimately the only entitlement mankind has, is separation from God because of our sin. But marriage brings home the illusion shattering reality. As your pastor I charge myself and you, to live unselfishly, before one another, submitting to each other in the years to come. As we do, the more willing and able we will become to persevere through anything, holding fast to Jesus —knowing that like emotions, trials too will come.

I will leave you with one final thought from the Word of God found in Philippians 4:6-7: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

My friend, a long time follower of Christ, found that day in the hospital, renewed focus, a deeper and sustaining relationship with Jesus, and we will do the same as we explore our relationship with Him and allow the Spirit of God to take us to new depths in our adoration of Christ. If you’d like to hear more about becoming “up close and personal with God”, click here to listen or download an MP3 talk from Dr. Dallas Willard. (left click to listen, right click to download). I believe it will touch your spirit and refresh your soul.

Equality, Rights, Entitlement and Control. . .

I remember well the argument where I said — “As your husband I’m entitled to…”   Thankfully that was long ago, and I quickly learned that the only entitlement I have, is the separation from  God for my sin. As I reflected on Philippians 2:3-8 I began to understand the model that Christ laid down on the cross, for His followers.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond- servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

This same model demonstrates the giving up of the one thing that seems to plague our lives and most certainly our marriages. CONTROL!!!  I want it and it’s easy to try and seize it and run with it, no matter who is in the way. Too often in marriage it escalates to the point of domination and abuse – by one – and frequently both spouses.

There are subtle differences between “Rights”, “Control” and ”Entitlements”, but each needs to be wrapped in obedience to God’s Word with humility and a proper understanding of “equality”.   For example, our Declaration of Independence states that “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed” These rights are given by God in issues of governance not relationships.     Relationships are to be evaluated within the context of the whole of the Scriptures.   In marriage our equality before God is certain, but directed by the roles He has laid out for men and for women, and we are clearly to submit (be subject) to one another in reverence for Christ.     Studying the Bible for those roles is life-long. (See Ephesians 5:21:32 for starters). See the addendum below for my comments on the recent ruling by the Supreme Court on same-sex marriage

 Our marriage vows usually contain the covenantal promise that we will continue and grow in selflessness, being more concerned for each other’s needs than our own.   Marriage is designed by our Creator to be radical servant-hood, the practical end of entitlement, personal ‘rights’ and personal comfort.     That takes work — hard work.     But ahh, the joy we derive by doing right things before our loving God (see 1 Peter 2:19-20). Paul said it for us in John 3:30 — “He must increase, I must decrease.”

While “rights, entitlements, and control” have little place in marriage, the responsibilities to fulfill the roles as God has given them is imperative.   Servant-hood requires both giving up what we think we think we are entitled to and the need and desire to control those “rights”;     it’s about learning the roles He gave us and yearning to bear spiritual fruit in our actions and thoughts.     (Consider for your summer reading pleasure: Rocking The Roles, by Lewis and Hendricks)

I hope your relationship is not marred by much personal entitlement, control or rights, which are so easy to fall into, given our normative selfishness and our “me” society.   As you spend time in God’s Word, you will undoubtedly find some of those things revealed in your life, and the sure fire way to address them is through prayer — alone time with God — confession and vulnerably asking your spouse to point them out to you with love and grace.

May our summer be a time of reflection on His guiding hand in our life, as we humble ourselves with the desire to become all that He designed us for.

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 Addendum

 On June 26, 2015 the Supreme Court ruled that all 50 states must allow same sex weddings, saying by default that marriage is no longer to be defined as between one man and one woman – overthrowing what God deemed marriage to be throughout the Bible, and creating more ungodly “entitlement” in America. God has not altered what He said.     The Scriptures are incontrovertible on all sin.

Many godly scholars and legal heads have already commented on the injustice of this ruling, and the three dissenting Supreme Court Justices have given us several statements that I believe summarize what biblical Christians are thinking today..

”…but do not celebrate the Constitution. It had nothing to do with it”  (the decision)

“The majority’s reasoning applies with equal force to plural marriage.” (It’s been pushed this week, along with accepting pedophilia)

“To blind yourself to history is both prideful and unwise.”

“People of faith can take no comfort in the treatment they receive from the majority today.”

“The majority feels compelled to sully those on the other side of the debate.”

“Everyone who does not share the majority’s ‘better informed understanding’ seen now as bigoted.”

“Potentially ruinous consequences for religious liberty.”

“This decision will be used to vilify Americans who are unwilling to assent to the new orthodoxy.”

“The majority facilitates the marginalization of many Americans who have traditional ideas.”

What Chief Justice John Roberts, Justice Clarence Thomas and Justice Antonin Scalia have said boils down to:   The majority ruling by the Supreme Court tells us that that what the Bible reveals as sin – is not sin; as the majority Justices set themselves above God and the will of the American people. Sex IN marriage of a man and women is a means of reproduction, unity, bonding, vulnerable giving and receiving which God designed to be pleasurable inside biblical marriage, but outside of marriage it is truly not a means of pleasure, for it manifests unhealthy biological changes, bringing increases in guilt, anxiety, depression and physical health issues. For the church to accept this, would be the path of least cultural resistance, something the church must not do. Yet it has become the law of the land in the same vein as what the Supreme Court ruled regarding abortion in 1973.

LGBT lifestyles are already being mainstreamed in many of our schools. Next up, forcing churches and pastors to marry those in lifestyles that run counter to what the Bible teaches and we hold to.   This morning we have the choice not to marry those willfully choosing sinful behaviors including LGBT, but also cohabiters, adulterers, currently using addicts, abusers, those unequally yoked, etc, but unlike the rest listed here who mostly choose to sin behind closed doors out of the view of others, the LGBT movement will push those boundaries, seeking public acceptance. Watch to see how quickly deeper issues like pedophilia, polygamy and bestiality are pushed on the American public. While it is still early in the war, and the dust has yet to settle from this skirmish, the battle is not over for either murder by abortion, LGBT lifestyle acceptance and legality, or sex outside of marriage.    Will Christ’s church step up to take a biblical stand with sins it has been all to quiet about or overlooked in the past, or fold?