Martin Luther King Jr. Day

“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness’
God created man in His own image, in the image of God
He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:26a, 27a

Note:  One race only – the Human Race in many colors, many tribes – one humanity.  And man has perverted these things and judges others in their differences as “less than” and “not equal to me”.  But it is not so in the Kingdom of God.  And one day, God Himself will reconcile it all to His plan and design.

“A voice is calling,  ‘Clear the way for the LORD in the wilderness;
Make smooth in the desert a highway for our God.  “Let every valley be lifted up,
And every mountain and hill be made low; And let the rough ground become a plain,
And the rugged terrain a broad valley;  Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
And all flesh will see it  together; For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.’” Isaiah 40:3-5

Note: The Bible is filled from end to end with God’s plan for unity.  Such words to us: to examine our hearts to see that we are in the Faith; to give preference to others; think more of others than ourselves; to love others as we love ourselves; to care our neighbor as we do [care for] ourselves. God’s word commands us to be of the same mind as one-another, and to be at peace with all men where possible in us.

So yes, it will all happen as told in Isaiah 40 (and elsewhere in those 66 books) when God is ready to bring this age to a close, and in the meantime you and I could and can choose to embrace everyone – for everyone has been created in God’s image. 

Today our nation remembers Martin Luther King Jr. for his efforts to help us remember and recognize that all people of all colors are those created in Gods’ image, and we have the choice this day and every day to embrace every individual we encounter as just that.  

When I speak, think, or act today, will it be burned up in the fires of Christ on judgement day, or move with me into Eternity.  As I read the Scriptures, those things that will burn will be all those that were not done “in Christ”

“The conclusion, when all has been heard, is:
fear God and keep His commandments,
because this applies to every person.
For God will bring every act to judgment,
everything which is hidden,
whether it is good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Beyond Following Jesus – Into Apprenticeship

“For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

The verse above did more than catch my attention before I wrote my first book. The one below Matthew 5:20 urges me onward each day.

“All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

As I pondered whether to write a second book, these two became powerfully tied to the verses in my mind and heart.

In Matthew, Jesus announces here that He has all authority here on earth, and has commanded us to GO AND MAKE DISCIPLES, TO BAPTIZE THEM AND TEACH THEM TO OBSERVE ALL HE SAID WE ARE TO DO – and that if we do not do that it will be a reflection of the lack of sincerity of our walk (righteousness).

The consequences for that, God alone can and will determine for us each individually. 

Those verses raised questions that had me look at church as it is done today and moved me forward to research for a second book. My next book, if published, will be the result of that research. (See a tad bit of the research in my November 2019 blog on the church today)

What I discovered is that church today focuses mostly on God’s Grace, which is good, but only one aspect of His character. There is also a strong focus on baptism and in the churches that I’m acquainted with – most often either exegetical and topical teaching. What seems to be missing in many churches is a focus on the other parts that talk to us about our obedience and the making of disciples who will go on to be disciplers. Those aspects all combine toward a transformation of our character that enables us a life that fulfills the commands of Jesus.

A friend of mine recently commented on the foundational need for those of us who are serious about being in the world, but not becoming part “of” it. In essence, he said that self-awareness and self-discipline are required for being intentional about our growth as related to spiritual formation. A seminary class on spiritual formation Mark had taken was an exercise in self-examination through prayer, study, and feedback from others. Character and leadership development go hand in hand and spiritual formation is an essential element of character development. He recalled it as foundational. It is the stuff of Discipleship and Apprenticeship.

In bygone eras there were three primary ways to your future: you were born into wealth, you were apprenticed into a career, or through circumstances of choice, yours or others, you found yourself indentured. If you were apprenticed, it might have been by your parents or guardians, or by your choice to learn a trade. In the 17th century, it was not uncommon for a court to indenture someone for non-capital crimes. One of my ancestors arrived in America indentured to an emigrating family because she had run afoul of the law in England.

This blog deals with a future because of self-choosing to be apprenticed to a known master in a specific calling.

It is most probable to see one’s self as a Christian, and yet not be a disciple or a follower of someone and not end up like that person. Choosing to move beyond being a believer, even follower, to becoming discipled apprentice to Jesus is a life-altering decision in our maturing – for by poor choice we may ultimately move decidedly away from our Christian beliefs – as we understand them now.

Recall again Matthew 5, verse 20, where the Master told His followers: 

“For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

So it is for us if we want to know our Savior face-to-face in an interactive way – we too must go beyond the normally expressed ways of a church-going or societal-following believing Christian. Following the “trends’ of our society, we could easily find ourselves following, linked, even apprenticed to someone harmful to our growth and sanctification.

For example, apprenticing ourselves to a prosperity-gospel televangelist, politician, gambler, or another nefarious being maybe a sure road to losing Jesus in the process. We don’t have to look too widely to see those who have “apprenticed” themselves unhealthily.  

Earlier in his life, Charles (Chuck) Colson might have been a good example of apprenticeship gone bad. Mr. Colson is also a good example for us that God can redeem even those who have become unquestionably lost by choice.

As Dallas Willard suggested, most of us have a purposed desire to do right things before God, but keep a back door so that we can sin if we need to.

Stop! Ponder that thought. Think about it in your life and I suspect you’ll find, as I have, that our lives confirm what he said. And yes, we frequently find we “need” to, even though at any one time we can choose with the power of Christ’s blood to say no and avoid sinning. (That does not mean we can be sinless — that is Jesus alone).

Just as we’ve read above, being a Christian in our thinking and becoming an apprenticed disciple are not the same and have vastly different outcomes.

The New Testament book of Luke recorded for us:

“A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone, when he is fully trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40).

That’s the whole point of being a disciple of Jesus: we imitate Him, carry on His ministry, and become like Him in the process. So much of our success in becoming a whole-life disciple depends on the apprentice’s attitude, thinking and motive.

“The Christian stands, not under the dictatorship of a legalistic ‘You ought,’ but in the magnetic field of Christian freedom, under the empowering of the ‘You may.’” Helmut Thielicke

To summarize an apprentice’s journey: becoming an Apprentice to Jesus takes us beyond what is normally thought of today as being a Christian.  

It is a choice we individually may make that requires:

• A life-vision for an interactive walk with Jesus 
• An attitude of humility
• Repentance, Confession and Surrender
• Intentional Effort 
• Self-awareness
• Self-discipline of an Athlete
• Dedication of a Soldier
• Diligence of a Farmer
• Exercising the Spiritual Disciplines
• Practicing the Presence of Christ
• Prayer
• Study & Meditation
• Interaction with fellow believers
• Feedback 
• A plan

Let the journey begin.

Thoughts on a Beautiful Pre-Spring day – Also the Advent of Lent

I’ve observed many friends over the years, mostly from denominational churches, who have participated in some of the rituals, events, and activities of Lent. I have observed, but have not participated, in part because over time I’ve seen that for many, it’s not much more than an excuse for pre-Lent excesses, or to ‘fit in” with others and give up something for 40 days. Over the past few years, in my hunger to know Jesus and the Father better, I’ve come to an understanding that in any season an impoverished attitude on my condition (for impoverished IS what we are), and perhaps more meaningfully during Lent, can in God’s hand and timing make amazing transformation to our very being – our character.

In my first book, I challenged readers to not accept what I was writing — for I could be wrong if I was speaking personally and not with Scriptures to support it.  Even with the Scriptures, I could be wrong if I, taking what the Bible said out of context, or twisting it to “fit what I believe” (that may well have been learned) – in error.  Many, for example, have, while following what the revisionists have been teaching, “that sex outside of marriage is perfectly okay and normal” found a passage or two they can reengineer to fit societies’ new norm. The same with abortion, etc..  I told readers to examine what I had written, explore it in-light-of the Bible and then for them to know not just what they believe, but why.

This morning I ordered something from Amazon and it was delivered less than four hours later. Have we truly become a society that must have immediate fulfillment of our wants and subverted what is right and good for what we think we need?  Instant gratification began in the Garden of Eden when the serpent deceived and tempted Eve to defy God and eat what they had been told was forbidden.

Or, perhaps even earlier, it was in heaven when Satan decided he wanted the glory that belonged to God alone (and still does) – and wanted it enough to oppose God. The consequences of that will echo until Eternity, but the end is sure, spelled out in the book of Revelation. Sadly, man continues to walk that dangerous fatal path.

For each generation since has tried to gain instant satisfaction for their desires, and each generation has painfully discovered in the end that it’s futile.

As we consider our own situation today, I’m sure that there are many situations in my life and most likely in yours, that we’ve mandated our way to garner what we wanted immediately. For example, crying for a cookie before dinner when a toddler, throwing a mild tantrum (maybe yours – but mine were classic) when thwarted in our desire, lobbying for a car, or later curfews. Rejecting all we knew about values so we could taste the dark side of alcohol, drugs, sex, the rush of speed – and sadly for some mixing those all together as an even greater disaster recipe.

If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you have or are considering the fallen nature in yourself, and that still small voice of God is or has stirred the deeper, hopefully unselfish, desire to live life above the crowd and norm and know God’s ways. If we were a coloring-book and God the colorist, He continually colors outside the lines, to get our attention to the Kingdom work, His work, around us and in us – just look at the diversity He gave us in nature.

Our fallen nature resists not only the 10 Commandments but much of what Jesus modeled and taught us to do. They are not things that we are to simply “obey” (we cannot do that in our own flesh and strength). They are expressions of our life in Christ-changed-character that pour out of us with His light, and in time with no lingering desire for the dark side of thought or behavior. True apprenticeship, true discipleship defines the individual who is walking with Jesus and learning how to lead their life as He did and would if He were in their shoes. Instead, He has chosen to take up residence in our heart to do that transforming work if we are willing and choose that path.

Our Father’s desire is for us to be conformed to our given image – the image of God, with His character and actions so wonderfully displayed in Jesus and His saints in the New Testament. In short, God’s plan and righteous desire is for us, each one of us, to be transformed into the Character of Christ.  Philippians 1:6 tells us we can be confident that He will complete that work in us if we intentionally persist in a growing walk with Him.  The understanding of this transformation has been mostly lost over the last millennium but was powerfully active in the First Century church. 

The 40 days leading up to Easter, known as Lent, are still a phenomenal time to take daily account of our heart and reflect on where we are in our journey to the kind of holiness that Jesus said was ours if we hunger for it and for the Spirit of God to bring that character transformation as we more than just mosey on in life. The intentional follower of Jesus that vulnerably examines himself/herself will come naturally to a posture of repentance, any time and during Lent, it can be transforming for us.

May we use this season to His glory and honor.

I Choose You…

“I choose you!”  It’s more than just a phrase from Mary Jane’s favorite Christmas movie – Family Man, although it is a crucial turning point in the movie.  It’s also what we hear implied in Ephesians 1:4 as God chose you and me before the foundation of the world and predestined us to adoption as sons through Christ.  Deeper into the Scriptures the opportunity to choose is given to us all in Romans 10:9-11: “…if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”

  We have the opportunity to choose our education, where to live, career, where to spend our free time, and a whole lot more. For varied reasons we each chose our spouse, and now daily we must choose to live out that choice as unconditional, or bail and make other choices that in the end move us away from God, because with every choice there are consequences.  Some are good, some not so…

It’s choice that starts affairs, drugs, alcohol, gambling, and using pornography, and each of these lead to disastrous consequences – sometimes quickly, but inevitably for sure over time.

Romans 10:13 tells us that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved to eternal life with God.  Now that’s a powerful consequence.  Romans also tells us that we all fall short of God’s grace on our own and are declared sinners, and that without choosing Christ the consequence is spiritual death and eternal separation from God.

Our feelings may be involved in what we love, but loving is and always has been a choice.  In life and marriage as time passes, it often becomes a daily choice, seeming sometimes to be a chore, or burden, but God has promised that as we among  those He has adopted into His family, obey His Word, we will receive blessings upon blessing in heaven for our choice.

Dallas Willard said that it should be more than just choosing right things for those that God has called (chosen). He said we should become the kind of people who would chose those things out of our transformed character.  The deeper we love and trust God, the more what Dallas said becomes a reality in our lives.  We know it’s in the grinding of life, not the easy times that God develops our Christ-like character.

As we head into Summer I propose we challenge ourselves to make a daily choice to love our spouse in rich ways.  Perhaps ask the question of each other:  On a scale of 1-10 where do you see me as a husband/wife and where is the health of our marriage?  Follow that up with:  Is there one thing I can do today that will move that marker upward?

For some folks, summer lightens up the schedule, and for others it intensifies.  If you are among those who can carve 15-20 minutes a day with your spouse, I encourage you to choose to read John Gottman’s book: “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” and use some of the exercises he gives to draw closer to your spouse.   Read it out loud to one another – it will feed your soul and marriage.

Hidden Things

I ended my letter last month with the thought that while we will always be waiting, sometimes it’s wondering if God is waiting on us to step up to the plate and get serious about our walk with Him.   Since then I’ve asked myself, what keeps you and me from becoming so serious with Christ that it unleashes our inner hunger for Him to the extent that we beg for the character change He promises us in Phil 1:6, 9-11

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. … And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

 That perfection is our Christ-like holiness, and yes I know that perfection never fully arrives until heaven, but again I ask what keeps me from getting so serious, such that my spouse and others can see movement toward that goal?

Is it that we hide?  If so who am I hiding from, and why?  Our model, the Son of God, keeps nothing from the Father, and as parents we want to know what our children need and think, so we can guide them along the way to maturity. So, if I’m hiding, is it from God, and is my maturity thwarted because I hide from Him like Adam and Eve?

Luke 8:17 tells us:  “For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light “, and Psalm 139:7-24 reminds me just how much God knows me:  “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?”  Jesus tells us in John 14:26 that God has sent the Holy Spirit to live in us to teach us all we need.  So hiding from God never works, but still we try.

Is it possible that we hide from ourselves?  Have I failed myself at this point in my life, because I will not acknowledge a stronghold, pain from past hurts, or what I see as shameful behaviors past or present?  Am I holding myself hostage?  What part of God’s grace am I refusing to accept so I don’t have to face – me?  Is it possible that in my failure to fully accept His forgiveness on the cross and totally removing my shame, I have a form of prideful idolatry also thwarting my maturity?

Taking it further, are we hiding from our spouse?   Genesis 2:24 gives us the picture of oneness in marriage, unlike any other living beings — except the oneness found in the Trinity itself.   Our cell phone, FaceBook, Computer, past and future desires should all be fully known and open to them.  In couples I’ve worked with over the years, I’ve noticed this kind of openness is more easily done by the very young, but more difficult for those with a “past”, or fears of having secret things uncovered.  How much should I share with my spouse?   What happens to our relationship when I stop sharing about some things?

Yet God knows them all, and we should be working toward that kind of openness and vulnerability with our spouse.  The rewards are too great to let fear or lack of trust keep us from the oneness designed by God.

What does my hiding do to my relationship with my spouse and my God?  I believe it puts a roadblock to real connection, and we all miss out.   Honestly, it also puts a roadblock in truly getting to know ourselves.

Perhaps the first step to greater openness and oneness is to remember that nothing, no NOTHING is hidden from God and we only fool ourselves if we hide things clearly from Him, our spouse, and ourselves.  Ask God to reveal the hidden strongholds and fears, and ask Him to do what only He can do — break them down. When He does break them down, confess them, receiving His forgiveness and bury them once and for all.

Read Luke 8:17-18 again “For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.  So take care how you listen; for whoever has, to him more shall be given; and whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has shall be taken away from him.”

On our knees before a loving God who died in our place, ask Him how to begin sharing more of our heart and self with Him and our spouse.   I’m not advocating going and dumping every hidden morsel of our junk, but digging deep and to begin.  It may hurt, and sharing with our spouse requires that they be ready to hear some things that perhaps they should already have heard, but we’ve both avoided and kept hidden.   So keep Ephesians 5:11-12 in view as you prepare to more fully expose your inner self to them. Ask permission for a time free from distractions and tender emotions – and ask them to hear you all the way through and to only ask kindly for clarification if necessary.  “Is there more?”

“Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;  for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.” Ephesians 5:11-12

In closing this month, draw near to these words from the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:14:  “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”   As we listen to the Spirit within us and walk with Jesus, He awakens us to truth, love and grace and He does indeed shine on us. The journey may sometimes be difficult, but God will perfect us through it, for we have nothing to hide from God.

Waiting

Waiting

I begin this letter as I do most monthly letters at 2 am in the morning having gone to bed as I do nightly asking God to speak to my heart and reveal what I need to become more focused on Him and less on me.  John the Baptist phrased it, “He must increase, I must decrease” and Dr Dallas Willard encouraged us to pray “Help me to want to want what I don’t want now” as it relates to that small gnawing hunger in us for Christ-likeness, that is in reality a looming and most often hidden chasm.

So I wait.

As I lay here tonight my mind is drawn into that very word – wait.  Where for example do I see it in my day, in the lives of others, and in the Bible.   In all marriages there is one who waits for the other?   Often it is as one of us thinks being on time for this event is important and the other does not feel that compulsion.  (Note: neither is necessarily right or wrong, life it turns out is not black and white, it’s colorful with unimaginable hues.)  We also wait in traffic, for childbirth, at the airport, for a movie or play to begin, for recognition, to grow up, for health to return when sick, and the list goes on and on – ultimately we wait for Christ to return.  Now and then — okay often — others wait for us.

Is our waiting in vain?  Do we learn while waiting, or reflect back on a situation that involved waiting, and get frustrated, angry.  Do we seek to understand God’s perspective on such things?  Romans 8:22 tells us that the whole creation groans in the pain, waiting for the coming of Christ to bring His sons and daughters to heaven. And in the meantime, are we teachable, as His Word has called us to be – using our waiting to allow God to change our character, so that year by year we grow closer to Him and in our actions become more Christ like?

What would you see in me if my patience, understanding, and empathy was revealed when I’m stuck in traffic, or waiting in line in a store?  How might I use those times to draw closer to Christ; perhaps by refreshing myself by recalling scripture that I’ve memorized or wish to learn from.  Could God use it for His purpose if I’d engage someone in that line and show care for them?  Perhaps I could use it as a time of prayer to engage Him.   Is our “waiting” to lay in ambush of others, or is waiting an opportunity to draw close to the One who created us?

It’s in impatience and selfishness that greed, violence, fornication, adultery, and the other fleshly pursuits from Gal 5 become the outflow of waiting, but it is in seeking to give glory in our whole life to Jesus, who gave all for us, that He reveals a greater good that comes from everyday “waiting”.

Getting up out of bed and going to my study Bible after considering my own thoughts on waiting, I begin to read, and God speaks in quiet whispers.   Often the Word uses the word wait/waiting in the context of entrapment or attacking others.   Joyfully it also tells us that what we suffer now (as we wait) is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.  Titus 2:11-14 expresses it well:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people,  training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self- controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,  waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,  who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.We will continue as long as we have breath to “wait” on others, and can view those times with the world view, or as Christ might give us a vision to see differently.  And in these things and times, we wait for God. Or is it really?  Perhaps it’s that God is waiting for us to join Him and continue ourjourney toward holiness?

Is There Light in You?

Is there Light in You?

Matthew 5:14-16 says: “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

We live in the small valley across from the 2700’ tall Camelback Mountain, and occasionally at night someone with a flashlight overstays the park closing hour and stands on top of the mountain, and the light from that flashlight shines brightly across the dark distance, perhaps 2 miles from us.   The lesson: “light penetrates darkness.”

The word “light” makes its first Bible appearance in Genesis, verse 1:3, as God commands light to appear, separating light from the darkness.  As we read on we learn that light is revealed in later passages as Christ, “Light of the world”, and here in the Gospels, Jesus tells us that we are now His Light in and to the world.

Many other passages remind us that light is from God and not meant to be hidden, but revealed, just as the small flashlight atop Camelback at night shines so far.  All four Gospels, like Matthew 5:16 above tell us to let our light shine that all may see our good works, and glorify our heavenly father.   Take the time to do a study on the word LIGHT in the Old and New Testaments and discover for yourself why it is used 200+ times.

Jesus reminded his followers in John 8 that He is the Light, and that those who follow Him will not walk in darkness, but have in them the Light of Life.  If His Light in us does not change our actions and what our spouse sees is selfish and sinful, 1 John29:9 tells us that we are still in darkness.   I believe these reminders might quickly draw us back to Psalm 26:2, where David cries out to God to examine his heart, and to test his mind and heart.  That may well take us to the whole of Psalm 139 – 24 short verses that peel our lives to the core before a God who knows everything about us and is with us as we grow a desire to live as His Light, instead of remaining in our selfishness and sin.  The lesson:  Christ is THE light, and t is given to us so that we might reveal Him to the world and that we might open ourselves to the vast void in our souls that can only be filled by our deepening relationship with Christ.

I’ve written before that Louie Giglio encourages his congregation to live to make Jesus famous, Francis Chan tells us to live with a focus on Eternity not life here on earth, and Dallas Willard said that that doing right things is good, but becoming the kind of person who would choose those things is best.  Recently Larry Crabb and Jamie suggested that the Kindness of God in us, puts Jesus on display for others.  Eph 5:32 sums it up saying that Marriage is designed by God to be a reflection of the relationship Christ has with His Church — becoming a display case for the Kingdom.  It is only His Light in us that is the Kingdom display case.

I don’t know about you, but being a consistently kind and fruit bearing display case is difficult, nay impossible for me.  If you know me, you know I’m selfish, but as my heart hungers more for Christ to be “in me”, my hope and desire is that my consistency grows over time and that it’s observable by others.   Jamie posed questions for us that we might ask our spouse – the one person we probably most demonstrate our selfishness before.    “What is it like to live with me?” and “Do I display Christ before you?”   Are you courageous enough to ask them?  The lesson: How might God grow me and our marriage by examining His light in our lives?

God’s design is that His Light is seen by all  As Christ-followers change their selfish and sinful actions to those that reveal Christ and become more and more attractive to other Christians,  they may in fact open themselves to ridicule and worldly scorn. Does the Light that God commanded at Creation penetrate the darkness and shine through me?  The lesson: What is Christ to you?

God’s Design and Plan is NOT a Dead or Dying Marriage

Marriage is the foundational human relationship designed and given by God to mankind in the Garden of Eden.     It is the most powerful, life changing gift He gave us, and I have come to believe that among the odious things man does before God are: failing to make our marriage what He intends, and giving into a dead or dying marriage.    

Marriage is designed by God to thrive, change us, produce godly character in both of us, and be a most powerful testimony of His love – even as Ephesians 5:32 tells us that: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

What that says to me is that our marriage should become a display case for the Kingdom, and because that is God’s plan for man, Satan will throw everything he can at our marriage to make us lousy display cases for God. That the church is filled with weak and poor display cases says much about Satan’s power today.  Sadly there are too few still imperfect yet wonderful displays of biblical marriage. But those few SHINE – because God’s power trumps Satan’s – every time.

That said, every marriage takes work, sometimes hard work, and churches and marriage ministries are the “heels dug-in, ground-holders for biblical marriage”, and they work tirelessly to bring those tools for Christ-following couples that will remind them of His plan and purpose for their marriage.

Like others around the country who are serving in marriage ministries, we are aware that the simple tool called “date night” can be most powerful to bring couples back into alignment with each other – and with God. I know you’ve heard it from me before – the most powerful dates are those where the basic guideline is to have fun, and not talk about kids, issues, finances, and work.  

Date Night Comedy Tour is one such effort to help provide that fun evening of reconnection in our lives.     This event has been hosted all over the country for the last half decade and countless marriages have regained purpose and focus to make their marriage come alive before God, each other, family and friends, becoming healthier Kingdom display cases.     Our desire is to stay joined with this movement to restore biblical marriage in America, and see SBC as a “Marriage Church” in our state.

Date Night Comedy Tour is coming to Scottsdale Bible Church on Friday, February 12. It’s been timed to coincide with Valentine’s Day and another national event (National Marriage Week) with the same purpose of raising the bar for Marriage in America.

Get the date night habit in your marriage – whether you fly to Paris, Rome or New York, or sit on the sofa in your own home and find the fun things that bring you together again.     (We’ll help with the latter, as we post weekly “date night discussion questions” on SBC’s Facebook/Marriage page –     https://www.facebook.com/ScottsdaleBibleMarriage/.) And we’ll continue to provide Date Night events, and Grow Your Marriage (GYM) studies to sharpen your walk

This month, I hope you will join the fun on the 12^th, as we’re bringing a whole team from around the country for an energetic night of laughter and fun together. Many couples have found these nights a kick-start for re-connection and a building block to bring life back to their marriage.   Whether your marriage is frozen or on fire, Date Night Comedy Tour can be a significant time to give glory to the King of Kings as we see hundreds of couples truly enjoying one another.

Addictions and the Examined Life

I have to face it – I have an eating addiction.   When I’m stressed, I look for food. It usually comes when I’m in a social setting and become uncomfortable in that setting, wishing to be somewhere alone with a good book. I don’t go looking for a big meal – I just stand near the food and graze. It’s self-medication. For the most part, I’m emotionally isolated in those situations, so I eat.  I tend to defend my actions by comparing myself to other people — I don’t drink, smoke, or watch porn, and my doctors tell me I’m only a few pounds – ok double digits – from the government set standards.    But that’s still just pretty-good self-justification.

What it takes is not self-justification, but self-evaluation.   Yes the Bible reminds us to examine ourselves to see if we have true faith (Psalm 26:2), to examine how our heart responds to wise reproof or correction (Proverbs 9:7), and since marriage is a mutually formative relationship, to examine the way our behavior affects our spouse (Proverbs 27:15-17).  It may also behoove us to observe the actions of others around us and evaluate our actions against the world’s values and see if ours equate to God’s design for us.     (For example, what actions and behaviors has He laid out for us in the Ten Commandments, that are different from what we do and observe in movies, books, magazines, the news, etc..)

Too often over the years I’ve seen the damage that addiction to drugs, alcohol or pornography has done to a couple’s relationship.  What a miracle then to see a marriage change and grow, when the addiction has been acknowledged, and the one with the addiction “gets it” and begins to deal with their problem.   How much greater a miracle occurs when the offended spouse also gets with God and truly offers unity, support and forgiveness to their addicted partner instead of nagging, criticism or shutting down.

Similarly, I’ve seen both men and women experience great weight gains and I know they’ve not worked on their relationship to grow closer over time, and it has resulted in significant marital drift. Is there a correlation between the drift and weight gain? Drift may indeed have a key role, but there are other factors at play also.   In my case, my food grazing addiction is my reaction to stress that comes from the soul wounds that I brought into our marriage – and our soul wounds certainly play a role for us all.

It’s my belief that we all have at least some minor, perhaps major addictions, and the point of this letter is to challenge you and I to look closely, with God, and examine where such things may be influencing our actions, even our subconscious thoughts and ask for help if He reveals an area that we need to acknowledge. Also I hope that those being hurt by a spouse’s addiction will be able to recognize that healing never comes from condemnation of their spouse but only through godly Christ-like behavior toward their spouse. In my case, Mary Jane, who is the more social one of the two of us, keeps a close watch in those social settings, to see if I’m stressing — by observing how close I am to the food, and coming to my side to help me with my discomfort.

You may be asking where you would go. The Church has great resources which you can find on our website. Or, you can Google a topic – “help with …” addictions, heroin, pornography, alcohol, marital drift, etc. and find a wealth of support. Just make sure that the articles you look at have a biblical foundation. Perhaps one place to start is with the Reflections and Applications below

Is Jesus Enough?

It was at Starbucks, and we were sitting with new friends Rod & Marjie Barnett, whose daughter had become a beloved part of our family while staying with us during her internship here in Phoenix.   Rod shared how he had been in the hospital with stage 4 cancer and was in crushing pain when the curtain opened to reveal a pastor.   The pastor related how he had been driving by when prompted by God to go pray for a man in this room. It was just a prompting of the Holy Spirit that led him to Rod’s bedside, as they were unknown to each other. The pastor prayed then closed the curtain leaving my new friend puzzled, then suddenly the curtain opened again. The pastor had returned to say: “Before I Go, I have one question: If Jesus was all you had, is He enough?”

My friend laid there pondering this question and found himself repeating again and again that YES, Jesus is enough, and that he would never abandon Christ, even as God has promised never to abandon him. He was reminded once again that setting our mind on the things above comes before our ability to move our focus off our circumstances to those things of Christ. Focusing on our circumstances is most often the normal response to life, yet Paul tells us we can change that focus. (See Col 3:1-3)

That meeting at Starbucks was nearly three years ago, and Rod continues to find that significant strength in Jesus alone. At Starbucks, Rod shared wisdom that only comes from above, and I’ve held fast to it in the years that followed. Rod wrote recently giving me permission to share his story here and his paraphrase from Psalm 16:11: “Life is good, because God is in control.”

The Great Commandment first found in Deuteronomy 6:5 tells us that we must love the Lord God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and love our neighbors as our self.   When I am asked to do a wedding ceremony, I often follow the reading of that Scripture by reminding the bride and groom to stay close to God; that the Bible, prayer, and worship are our binding glue, while mentors and like-minded groups (and friends like Rod) will impart God’s wisdom to us.

I remind them that emotions WILL rise from time to time moving our focus quite naturally on circumstance, but to raise our focus to the things above, letting kind and gentle words pave our way. Laughter and regular fun help. Ultimately, living centered on Christ, in ever-greater selfless consideration of each other, our marriage becomes the strong three-cord strand that God designed for us.

We all need to see Christ so clearly, so up close and personal that we realize, and understand like Rod, that Jesus is worthy of our losing everything we value in life in order to know Him. The more we know Him the better we are able to serve Him. The more clearly we see God, the more we are able to give to one another, fulfilling the call of the Scriptures.

Marriage is a radical servant-hood and as I wrote last month, it is the end of our perceived entitlements in life, “our rights” and personal comfort.   Keep in mind that the rights and entitlements we think we have before marriage are just an illusion, since ultimately the only entitlement mankind has, is separation from God because of our sin. But marriage brings home the illusion shattering reality. As your pastor I charge myself and you, to live unselfishly, before one another, submitting to each other in the years to come. As we do, the more willing and able we will become to persevere through anything, holding fast to Jesus —knowing that like emotions, trials too will come.

I will leave you with one final thought from the Word of God found in Philippians 4:6-7: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

My friend, a long time follower of Christ, found that day in the hospital, renewed focus, a deeper and sustaining relationship with Jesus, and we will do the same as we explore our relationship with Him and allow the Spirit of God to take us to new depths in our adoration of Christ. If you’d like to hear more about becoming “up close and personal with God”, click here to listen or download an MP3 talk from Dr. Dallas Willard. (left click to listen, right click to download). I believe it will touch your spirit and refresh your soul.