Saving, Healing, and Growing Our Marriages

Four couples from the Marriage Ministry team at Scottsdale Bible Church were blessed with the opportunity to attend a training workshop in March 2009 designed to help us better and quickly assist marriages where marriage bonding has weakened or fractured.

While unwise to have waited, more often than not, couples in this arena do wait to seek help until the trouble has grown so severe that one or both parties are ready to quit.

It’s just a case of the “normals” to have trials in life, and in marriage, and it’s not unusual for some of those to be deeply troubling, requiring a great deal of hard work from both partners to get or stay healthy.  And, while there are no quick fixes when the relationship has weakened, we recommend that one spouse take some steps, independent of the other spouse, to gain perspective and open the door to healing and growing in their own walk with God.   Doing this will often create an environment for the couple to approach things substantially different than they have in the past.

Consider the calling that God has on our lives that is reflected in our attitude relating to any given thing.  Analyze it further and it would seem that two contrasting thoughts can often be a sort of measuring stick for us to get in touch with God’s design for our life.  Those thoughts are “I have to do this”, in contrast to “I get to do this”.   I credit this way of looking at things to Robertson McQuilkin, whom I mentioned here last month.  Some year’s back he shared that quitting his job as President of Columbia Seminary to care for his wife Muriel, who suffered with Alzheimer’s for the last thirteen years of her life was something he “got to do” not something he “had to do”.    You can find hs testimony on YouTube .

You and I can take some time alone with God and create a list of those things we “have to do”.  Once the list is completed, we have a perhaps brand new prayer list to talk to God about over the next few weeks and months as we find ourselves challenged to grow, and become more of the man or woman that God intends us to become.  It’s often surprising to ourselves and our family and friends when we begin to see the wonderful things we “get to do” that once upon a time we “had to do”.   When we see things in light of Christ in our lives – many of those choices, we can indeed see as “getting to do”.  OR…if we’re completely honest with ourselves, we might often at least see ourselves bending our knees asking God to help us to want to have such an attitude and motivation.

This plan of action is totally independent of our spouse’s actions, but I’ve seen God use it to soften the heart of one as they have seen the growth toward and into a deeper walk with God that that has been taking place in the life of their other half.  There is nothing that makes a member of the opposite sex more attractive to a follower of Christ, than to see their spouse walking in the strength and power of Christ.   ! Peter 4:8 tells us that love covers a multitude of sins.   An intimate walk with God is the source of love to our spouse, and I’ve seen that kind of love heal even the deepest of wounds in marriage.

The economy has caused great stress on marriage in America.  If your marriage is struggling, I recommend Joe & Michelle Williams book – “Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved”.  It will guide you through deeper thoughts in a similar vein to what I’ve briefly covered above – and guide you into profound places in your walk with God.  That is the foundation for a truly healthy and growing marriage.   Don Farr is a Certified LifePlan™ Facilitator and Life Coach in Paradise Valley, Arizona