Marriage is More Than a Wedding – Part II

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Marriage is More Than a Wedding – Part II

Last month we talked about choosing to forgive – especially our husband/wife, as there will always be hurts to us, that are a result of their good intentions, or in some cases selfish and sinful words or actions.  The forgiveness model we chose for living our own lives was to Recall the hurt, Empathize with the offender, choose the Altruistic gift of forgiveness, Commit publicly to forgive, and Hold on to the forgiveness – or REACH,

This month we’ll try to tackle the other side to the forgiveness question – seeking forgiveness from others when we become aware of our hurtful words or actions, whether they were unintentional or intentional.  Some may find it easier to forgive an erring spouse that to ask for it, and the chances are very good that swallowing our own pride, ego and selfishness and asking for forgiveness – goes down a lot harder.   It takes s truly humble heart to acknowledge our sin or error, and to ask for their forgiveness.

The Bible tells us that humility is the foundation for sincere and true acknowledgment of our wrong and sinful actions, followed by confession, and asking their forgiveness.  As confirmation for that, the Bible speaks of a humbled heart more than fifty times, often to remind us that we are called to be humble.

Our societies scream messages that are dead set against God’s word and work in our lives. but God calls us to model Christ, and reveals to us that Jesus is the perfect model of a heart humbled and yielded to God the Father.  Old Testament and New are also filled with other examples for us, challenging us to examine our heart for those places where pride has replaced humility.

If you have been snared with the words of your mouth, Have been caught with the words of your mouth,     Do this then, my son, and deliver yourself; Since you have come into the hand of your neighbor, Go, humble yourself, and importune your neighbor. Pro 6:2-3 No one is a closer ‘neighbor’ than our spouse.

When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom. Pro 11:2

It is better to be humble in spirit with the lowly Than to divide the spoil with the proud. Pro 16:19

He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God? Mic 6:8

Today is a wonderful day to examine our motives, our actions, and our thoughts.  As we allow God to reveal those things He would change in us – in our prayers, by His still small voice, by the wisdom of a friend, spouse, pastor or the Bible – we can take a few more steps toward that godliness He designed us for.

Here are eight steps to help us in our desire to become the man or woman that would choose to do right things from our heart, rather than just from our head.

• Examine your heart regularly to check your motives using I Cor 13:1- , Eph 5:, Gal 5:19:23, etc. as a guide
  
• Ask God to help you identify your offenses to Him and others
• Root out where you have used blame, and choose instead to take responsibility for your offenses
  
• Seek to understand and to be able to acknowledge to God the pain caused by your actions
• With that understanding, acknowledge to the one offended, the pain caused by your actions or words
• Ask forgiveness for the specific offenses without the need to receive their forgiveness
  
• Make restitution where possible
• Show thankfulness to God for His forgiveness and to others when it is given to you

I close with a quote from Dallas Willard in a discussion from his DVD  series on “Renovation of the Heart“. 

“The heart in good shape, is precisely the person who is prepared and capable of meeting all the circumstances of life in a power of godliness that enables them to respond, in a way that is right and is good.”

May your heart be in good shape, and may you meet God intimately as you ponder your actions and words in the days ahead, and seek to forgive and ask forgiveness in those circumstances revealed by the heart of God to your heart.