Security & Identity…

We are created in God’s image for intimate relationship! Nothing is simpler or more complicated by sin than what God put in all of our heart – to be in authentic, fully known, fully accepted relationships. Before the serpent entered the picture in the Garden, Adam had that perfect relationship first with God and then Eve. In the Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit have an interactive relationship that is the model for all mankind.

Our need to be intimately close to someone is real. It is given to us by God. Emotional separation (aka emotional divorce) is caused by failure to grow that intimate relationship in our marriage, and the failure is quite possibly a gulf created because one or both of us have never gained the inward security of being fully loved and accepted by God, and are therefore unable to make a substantive positive influence on their spouse.

First, He loved us. He enabled us to be in intimate relationship with Him in the Trinity – the same kind of relationship they enjoy. Because we live in a fallen world most of us have been deeply wounded and many feel it risky to believe He won’t disappoint them too, so they skip out on God. They may also skip out on their spouse thinking that their spouse should give them the security they crave before responding to give security.

As our growing faith brings relational security with Him, we also discover that our identity is not found in those things we were “trained” to think – such things as what we do, what we drive, how we’re educated, our social circles, where we live, rather it is rooted solid in our citizenship in heaven because we are a child of the Creator and Savior in Whom our trust is growing.

As we study God’s word, we’ll find that Christ has made us secure even if we don’t always feel it, and He has told us we can trust that our real needs are, and will be, met by a loving God. Because of Christ in us, we can learn to live more selflessly for others, given the understanding that by our fallen nature we do quite naturally selfishly serve ourselves. Some, if not all of us have tried to change our spouse, discovering that it never works. And for what ? – trying to meet our own emotionally perceived needs. Those are emotions that have risen because of life and the enemy who puts fear and distrust out before us.

We find instead, that in our faith, God has already met our needs and will empower us to be other-directed and selfless just as He has said.

No matter the rejection and hurt caused by the world including our spouse, we must rely on His Word and perhaps constantly affirm it to ourselves: ” God, I know you have accepted me as I am, sin and all, and will never withdraw your love from me — as You have assured me throughout the Scriptures .” Such a prayer allows us to give more fully to our spouse, no matter how they respond. Jumping into the arms of Jesus when being verbally abused or feeling rejected by our spouse may well be one of the most profound hurts we’ll experience, but when we discover or remember that depending on God is crucial, that He is there and will never reject us or abuse us, we also understand how to respond to our spouse with that same kind of care – no matter what. (I did mention that it would be hard – but worth it?)