Our True Identities

We hope you’ve had the opportunity to try the model of meeting needs and thereby reducing the pain in each other’s emotional cup, that we presented last month.  I’ve seen it used a couple of different ways since we shared it here, and discovered that if you write those four questions on a 3 x 5 card and keep it handy, you’ll be more apt to recall them, and use them to help your marriage bond in these early months of your marriage.

While reading on-line articles from the Association of Marriage & Family Ministries, one particular item  caught my attention that I would like to share this month.

The topic is our true identity – personal and marriage.   Historically for men in the 20th century our identity was wrapped up in what we do, and in the last quarter century that has become increasingly the case for women as well.   But is it accurate?   Are we defined by what we do, or who we think we are, or by what others think of us?   We suggest that the two of you take time in your next staff meeting to vulnerably share with each other where your identity has been rooted and shaped, and how those beliefs have been displayed in behavior.

If we distill it down, it seems that society says our identity and value are inextricably and inexplicably woven together.   We can’t explain it; we can’t truly understand it.  For many, our value and worthiness starts or fails with our family of origin.   But God has the final word on all things, and this is not something He has been silent about.  A search of Scripture is the best place to discover the truth, and to confirm or deny the accuracy of what we’ve learned from life.

God given value and worth are acclaimed in Scripture, beginning in Genesis 1:27-28

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them;

and continuing throughout it and the New Testament.

…just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ…  Ephesians 1:4-5

Finally, in the Book of Revelation, we’re told  in chapter 21:27, that the only ones who will enter God’s heavenly city and kingdom, are those whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.  That, praise God, is us….His adopted sons and daughters who were created in His image, chosen, and created for good works.  That is our true identity, and our source of great value.

Such statements raise a second question about our identity.  Is my identity like Clark Kent’s?   Is it to be a secret?

It is so easy to be caught up in the things of life, that we overlook the opportunities that God gives us to be witnesses of the hope within us,  We are called to be disciplers of those new in the faith, who so urgently need models of godly men and women in their lives.   Sadly, in this age of divorce and political correctness, many have never had that experience.

Ephesians 2:10 tells us:

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

We suggest that Secret identities are for spies and super heroes, and that children of God are neither.  We are to be salt and light in the world, to be Jesus with skin for those who God brings into our lives.  Along the way, we’re told to…

…sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; 1 Peter 3:15

Just as our individual value and identity are drawn from the source of life itself – Christ, so is our marriage identity.  God ordained marriage in the 2nd chapter of Genesis, as husband and wife – partners for life, with different gifts and roles, and mutually responsible for the multiplication of mankind.  He designed it as an uncancelable covenantal relationship, not a contractual one – it is fashioned after His covenants with Abraham and the children of Israel.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  Gen 2:24

We again suggest you share in your next Marriage Staff Meeting (you are having them right ?), where or from what you’ve traditionally drawn your identity.   Affirm to one another the truth, that you were chosen by God before the foundation of the world, that His thoughts about each of us are more numerous than the sand on the earth (Psalm 40 & 139), and that your commitment to one another is for life – and that your identity and value is in Christ.

Sadly, those with a world view of their worth, will inevitably display things that are hurtful to self and others.   Many become performance driven, trying to gain approval from others, some with focus on perfectionism, even though that’s an impossible target.   Others will fall into addictions, or other aberrant behaviors.   All need, more than anything, to be loved for who they are in Christ, and affirmed often that God’s view of them not only supersedes man’s view – but is the only view that counts.   If you are wrestling with the world view of yourself, consider some personal care from one of the trained staff or volunteers in the Marriage or Counseling Ministry.

Now, go out and be prepared and eager to share your hope in Christ as He presents the opportunities for such interaction with those you know and encounter.