Equality, Rights, Entitlement and Control. . .

I remember well the argument where I said — “As your husband I’m entitled to…”   Thankfully that was long ago, and I quickly learned that the only entitlement I have, is the separation from  God for my sin. As I reflected on Philippians 2:3-8 I began to understand the model that Christ laid down on the cross, for His followers.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond- servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

This same model demonstrates the giving up of the one thing that seems to plague our lives and most certainly our marriages. CONTROL!!!  I want it and it’s easy to try and seize it and run with it, no matter who is in the way. Too often in marriage it escalates to the point of domination and abuse – by one – and frequently both spouses.

There are subtle differences between “Rights”, “Control” and ”Entitlements”, but each needs to be wrapped in obedience to God’s Word with humility and a proper understanding of “equality”.   For example, our Declaration of Independence states that “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed” These rights are given by God in issues of governance not relationships.     Relationships are to be evaluated within the context of the whole of the Scriptures.   In marriage our equality before God is certain, but directed by the roles He has laid out for men and for women, and we are clearly to submit (be subject) to one another in reverence for Christ.     Studying the Bible for those roles is life-long. (See Ephesians 5:21:32 for starters). See the addendum below for my comments on the recent ruling by the Supreme Court on same-sex marriage

 Our marriage vows usually contain the covenantal promise that we will continue and grow in selflessness, being more concerned for each other’s needs than our own.   Marriage is designed by our Creator to be radical servant-hood, the practical end of entitlement, personal ‘rights’ and personal comfort.     That takes work — hard work.     But ahh, the joy we derive by doing right things before our loving God (see 1 Peter 2:19-20). Paul said it for us in John 3:30 — “He must increase, I must decrease.”

While “rights, entitlements, and control” have little place in marriage, the responsibilities to fulfill the roles as God has given them is imperative.   Servant-hood requires both giving up what we think we think we are entitled to and the need and desire to control those “rights”;     it’s about learning the roles He gave us and yearning to bear spiritual fruit in our actions and thoughts.     (Consider for your summer reading pleasure: Rocking The Roles, by Lewis and Hendricks)

I hope your relationship is not marred by much personal entitlement, control or rights, which are so easy to fall into, given our normative selfishness and our “me” society.   As you spend time in God’s Word, you will undoubtedly find some of those things revealed in your life, and the sure fire way to address them is through prayer — alone time with God — confession and vulnerably asking your spouse to point them out to you with love and grace.

May our summer be a time of reflection on His guiding hand in our life, as we humble ourselves with the desire to become all that He designed us for.

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 Addendum

 On June 26, 2015 the Supreme Court ruled that all 50 states must allow same sex weddings, saying by default that marriage is no longer to be defined as between one man and one woman – overthrowing what God deemed marriage to be throughout the Bible, and creating more ungodly “entitlement” in America. God has not altered what He said.     The Scriptures are incontrovertible on all sin.

Many godly scholars and legal heads have already commented on the injustice of this ruling, and the three dissenting Supreme Court Justices have given us several statements that I believe summarize what biblical Christians are thinking today..

”…but do not celebrate the Constitution. It had nothing to do with it”  (the decision)

“The majority’s reasoning applies with equal force to plural marriage.” (It’s been pushed this week, along with accepting pedophilia)

“To blind yourself to history is both prideful and unwise.”

“People of faith can take no comfort in the treatment they receive from the majority today.”

“The majority feels compelled to sully those on the other side of the debate.”

“Everyone who does not share the majority’s ‘better informed understanding’ seen now as bigoted.”

“Potentially ruinous consequences for religious liberty.”

“This decision will be used to vilify Americans who are unwilling to assent to the new orthodoxy.”

“The majority facilitates the marginalization of many Americans who have traditional ideas.”

What Chief Justice John Roberts, Justice Clarence Thomas and Justice Antonin Scalia have said boils down to:   The majority ruling by the Supreme Court tells us that that what the Bible reveals as sin – is not sin; as the majority Justices set themselves above God and the will of the American people. Sex IN marriage of a man and women is a means of reproduction, unity, bonding, vulnerable giving and receiving which God designed to be pleasurable inside biblical marriage, but outside of marriage it is truly not a means of pleasure, for it manifests unhealthy biological changes, bringing increases in guilt, anxiety, depression and physical health issues. For the church to accept this, would be the path of least cultural resistance, something the church must not do. Yet it has become the law of the land in the same vein as what the Supreme Court ruled regarding abortion in 1973.

LGBT lifestyles are already being mainstreamed in many of our schools. Next up, forcing churches and pastors to marry those in lifestyles that run counter to what the Bible teaches and we hold to.   This morning we have the choice not to marry those willfully choosing sinful behaviors including LGBT, but also cohabiters, adulterers, currently using addicts, abusers, those unequally yoked, etc, but unlike the rest listed here who mostly choose to sin behind closed doors out of the view of others, the LGBT movement will push those boundaries, seeking public acceptance. Watch to see how quickly deeper issues like pedophilia, polygamy and bestiality are pushed on the American public. While it is still early in the war, and the dust has yet to settle from this skirmish, the battle is not over for either murder by abortion, LGBT lifestyle acceptance and legality, or sex outside of marriage.    Will Christ’s church step up to take a biblical stand with sins it has been all to quiet about or overlooked in the past, or fold?