The Heart of Christ

There are several people in my normal circle of friends who seem to come AT me in discussions, and I then find myself responding slowly or entirely missing the opportunity to thoughtfully respond from my heart.   I need time to consider and reflect on such things.   Perhaps we all do in some way or at some times.

I invite you into a conversation I had recently with a friend, regarding each other’s approach to the teaching we each give to Marriage Preparation. At one point he asked if we teach the “DOCTRINE OF MARRIAGE “, and there was a very pregnant pause before I responded with my yes (albeit quietly).

Later that evening I pondered the force and terminology in his request, my hesitation and my quiet response. Thinking back to the conversation, it appeared to me that he defined “DOCTRINE OF MARRIAGE” as “the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved, giving himself up for his wife and the wife is to SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND “, reflecting what seemed to me at that moment to be an singular and legalistic emphasis on her obedience — but not the husbands. I was also stuck or struck by the absence of mentioning Eph 5:21 that calls both to submit to one another in the fear of Christ.

What comes home to me now is somewhat a parallel observation where Jesus asks His disciples “could you not pray with me one hour ?” When I read that passage in Matt 26:40, I hear it as a plea   from a humble,  troubled, broken spirit, rather than as a bullet of condemnation. After all, this was God – who gave up heaven to come dwell as a man and by an act of  obedient will was about to suffer the worst possible treatment leading up to His crucifixion on a crude cross. He was not judging their performance, but giving a humble plea to their hearts – to stand with Him in His greatest hour of need.

And as I pondered my conversation with my friend, I saw that his question could well be his empassioned plea for an understanding that we do teach biblical marriage, not some watered down version that many teach. I was then convicted that what sounded to me like a “bullet” he fired, may be all about me, not my friend, and in either case clearly did not warrant a sharp reaction in response, and so I hesitated. Pastor Jamie said recently to put a stake in the ground when it is clear that:

what we are dealing with is a big deal to God, we’ve considered the ultimate cost and the personal cost, we have listened to the direction and prayer that wise godly counselors give us on the matter and lastly we’ve scrutinized our understanding and personal motivation in the matter.

When I look at that, I know the heart of my friend comes with long years studying God’s Word, that obedience is a big deal to God, that the ultimate cost of disobedience is exceedingly great, that my friend has a few godly teachers that do put a stake in the ground for wives to submit, and that only he and God know his inner motive to emphasize only one part of Eph 5 with me that evening. I also know that he often defers (submits) to his wife and lives out Eph 5:21-32.
We’ve known each other for more than 2 decades and I know him well, but only God truly knows his inner motives – and it is not for me to mind-read or judge.

My friend and I agree on doctrinal things but often differ on how they are to be emphasized. I believe that’s because my heart is drawn to the Jesus I see who responds as He did when the Pharisees brought the woman caught in the act of adultery and Jesus (God) sends her on her way at the end with “I do not condemn you, go and sin no more” rather than “go and SIN NO MORE”. This too I see as an instructional plea to her soul not a bullet to the heart. The work of the instruction may come immediately or may come over time as she ponders the miracle of having had a personal interaction with God, but either way I think it is a healing balm.

Bottom line: For me, the gentleness of grace and a humbled spirit far surpass a bullet to the heart in power, but still, I stand in awe of my friend and the lives that God has touched through him both through his words and actions which reflect an active humble walk with God, even if his words sometime reflect to me a greater harshness. We are friends in part because we do not judge each other’s motives and we both are committed to live out the Gospel to the best of our ability.

Thank you for sharing my journey. Let me close with one more reflection as we approach Christmas. This is a time of year that for a variety of reasons often sees tension rise in marriage, making it a good and much needed time to suspend judgment of our spouse and their motives (even or especially when they are clearly not the same as ours), and to reflect on the humble life of Christ the man, who was and is God, yet left heaven for us.

Celebrate His birth, and allow it to bring rebirth in our walk with Him this Christmas season, perhaps God will use it over the holiday season to learn that mind reading and judging our spouse need to be permanently suspended. As we do that we’ll find a more joyful Christmas season, and so will those around us.