Marriage is More Than a Wedding

Marriage is More Than a Wedding

Marriage is a covenant relationship created by God in Genesis 2 between a man and a woman, and it is underscored throughout the Old and New Testaments.  Here in Arizona this November we have the opportunity to take a stand and vote to recognize and affirm that.

That marriage is more than a wedding is a true to life statement that also comes from the SBC wedding book, and is, of course, an under-statement.   For most of us, once the ceremony is past, all of the sudden the reality of living a committed life together until we’re either raptured or called home often becomes the most difficult thing to imagine.   Why is that?

There are no easy answers.  Some of it has to do with the preparation we gave to marriage, a fair amount to do with our childhood environment, more to do with our temperament, and honestly, a lot is just plain sin on our part and others.

“The thief [sin] does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10 (NKJV)

R: Recall the hurt

E: Empathize with the offender

A: Altruistic gift of forgiveness

C: Commit publicly to forgive

H: Hold on to the forgiveness

It’s difficult to forgive if we don’t acknowledge our pain in the incident, so we must Recall the hurt before we can look at it from the perspective of the one who has hurt us. 

Empathizing with them is crucial though, and often is the most difficult step. Most often those who hurt us are not intending to do so, and understanding their perspective [not necessarily agreeing with it though] can help us give forgiveness without need for a response in return.

Once we are able to understand their point of view, we’re also at the point where we can let God’s love – the Altruistic AGAPE LOVE – give us a heart to give the gift of forgiveness.  Christ on the cross is the best model for this, but if you want other examples, read the Ruston’s book – “The One Year History of the Christian Church“, and see forgiveness in action as the church grew in the post medieval age.

It’s often important to Commit publicly to the forgiveness.  This step takes much prayer, and must not be done if it will open the door to repeated hurts.   While forgiveness is a personal choice, studies have shown to be more powerful when some public affirmation is made.

1. It keeps the altruistic nature of our forgiveness fresh and open to God’s healing balm.

Each of us has opportunity to be on both sides of the forgiveness equation – needing to ask for it and to give it.  May God touch the inner core of your heart to search out any resentments you may harbor against your spouse, and bring them to mind with a heart for actively engaging in altruistic Agape forgiveness.