Our Multilayered Life

Reflecting back on Pastor Jamie’s message on multi layered Christianity in August I realized that life itself is truly multilayered. We can either take one day at a time as it is handed to us or we can pray, plan and think about what our day is to be like.  Those who have not been challenged to have destination in mind may drift into a career, or settle for a job sometimes with or often without meaning.

Having a destination without a map or plan also leads to less than the best choice for life.

Marriage is the same for many, such that norm of drifting apart in life and marriage happens because we have no plan. Instead of seeking God’s vision for our life and our marriage we accept whatever comes naturally, we drift apart and become strangers in our own home. Such marriages are truly dysfunctional. This desire or expectation without a map and plan, and is often what leads to dysfunction.

Life at its best, takes a vision, a plan, effort and focus.  Marriage at its best takes a vision, a plan, effort and focus.

I would suggest that the vision comes from God – His plan for you and me and our marriages, is without equal and we have access to His plan via several avenues.  The first is focused prayer asking Him to reveal His will for our life and marriage.  Second is the Bible – from Genesis to Revelation – His word is insightful and gives us guidance.  Third with little effort we have access to wise mentors, counselors and coaches.  Forth, if we are married, we have access to our spouse and their wisdom and insights we possibly lack.  Seeking guidance from our spouse also builds strengths in the marriage bond.

Pastor Jamie said that the three stages of faith are: non-believer, believer and follower of Jesus.  Believers have made a one time commitment to Christ, but without a vision of Christ as Lord in their life, many fail to see the door their new commitment opens, to spiritual growth and godly character.     Without that we do not become serious Followers of Christ.

Marriage and life are often very similar…without a vision and plan, a relationship or job begins for all the wrong (sometimes right) reasons and we go several years or decades, perhaps missing the best gifts and talents God has given us and wasting our toil and time in mediocrity. Thankfully, I don’t believe it is ever too late to change.

We are blessed to have the insights of biblical scholars like Brother Lawrence, Thomas Kelly, Frank Laubauch, Henry Nouwen, and Dallas Willard who faithfully point us back to the Bible to find the heart and will of God.

In Renovation of the Heart in Daily Practice, Dr. Willard gives the progression toward complete identification of our will with God’s will that guides our maturing faith.

Following the path of (Surrender, Abandonment, Contentment and Participation wih God) also has a dramatic influence on our marriage.

We marry with the outlandish expectation that we are the center of our spouse’s life only to discover that they are the center of their lives, and oh yes, we’re the center of ours. Ponder that for a moment. That reality seemingly leads to squabbles, drift and alienation, unresolved arguments and pain, often into affairs, drugs, alcohol, or worse.

It doesn’t have to be so.  As a shepherding pastor and life coach, I’ve seen many lives and marriages find a desire for God’s vision, then gain a focus on Christ and with an intentional plan, begin to soar in their personal life, marriage, career, and place in the community.

My life, probably typical of many, has been filled with smooth places, bumps and ruts. Growing up I knew I really wanted to be a business leader.  My first job gave me a taste of both hard labor and leading – it led me right into college.  Still I was a lackadaisical student, more interested in having fun, playing cards all night in the dorm, and going off to the sanctioned drag races in three states 4 days each week.

Then my second summer of college I got job that gave me a different, but self-centered vision, and was the beginning climb of that “corporate ladder”.  I built my skills, working to be the best business leader possible. Along the way I became a believer and sometimes follower of Christ, but normally attentive to the selfish desires of my own. Two decades later, I left the corporate world to carve a niche as a consultant and coach to senior management. In the following years, I discovered God had a different plan – a deeper personal relationship with him that opened the door to trust and serve Him and get more of the focus off me. It was another baby step, and it led me to where I am today.

I believe the progression toward godly maturity requires us to get serious with God’s Word, beginning to understand that His plan for our lives that is laid out throughout the Scriptures is far superior to anything we might conceive of. His vision surpasses ours. The surrender of self to His plan and allowing Him to provide the contentment that Paul describes in Philippians 4 requires practice – practice that comes from a change in heart from self, to Christ and others. How we treat our spouse is a great revealer of where our heart is today. Where are you, where am I, in the process?