Revisiting Thoughts on Mentoring

Someone asked me last week what “marriage mentoring” looks like in 2006, and what topics should mentors and mentees talk about when they get together.  The primary desire and goal is that both couples just enjoy the relationship, and that life-modeling mentoring will come as an outflow of the Mentor couple’s walk with Christ.

There are however, some things that may stimulate discussions, and from time to time it does make sense to revisit them here in the Marriage KIT.  What follows are several questions and topics for your consideration.  Some may work well in some mentoring relationships, and not in others – but we’ve included enough variety to give everyone a few to work with.

First and foremost it’s important to only talk about those things that are safe, since we’ve learned that safety in relationships is primary to allowing friendships to go deep and develop into long-term opportunities to be used by God and for God.  That safety includes the safety between partners and the safety each couple has with the other.

The first six might be considered building blocks to the mentoring relationship.  They are general enough to open things up and at the same time, where there is safety between all, they can be a staircase to deeper things.

Mentoring Topics and Questions:

.  What do you want to “take away” from our times together?

Is there anything you would like to share concerning your marriage that we should know about?

Is there an issue in your married life that you’d like advice or insights on from our perspective?

*  On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your satisfaction in your marriage (with 1 being: not satisfied at all and 10 being you’re absolutely delighted with how things are going)?

*  What do you see as the specific needs you have as a married couple?

*  Are you as close to God as a married couple as you would like?

*  What are your Core Values as a couple? As an individual, As a family?

*  What passages from the Bible have impacted you the most since the last time we met?

*  Do you feel “loved, honored, and cherished by your spouse?

*   What is the most important need for each of you?  (security, respect, kindness, honor, etc.)

*  What do you consider to be the role of the husband in your marriage?

*  What do you consider to be the role of the wife in your marriage?

*  What do you see as the top 3 strengths in your marriage?

*  What do you see as the greatest area needing development in your marriage ?

*  What three things would you most like to change about yourself as a spouse?  Why?

*  What do you feel are your greatest roadblocks in your life at this point?

*  Do you have marriage Vision and Mission statements?

*  What are your shared and differing views on parenting and children in your marriage?

*  How often do you work on an agreed upon financial plan for the year, five years, and so on?

*  Weekly Marriage Staff meetings are great for discussing family matters, unresolved issues, scheduled events, budgeting, household & yard tasks, blessings, and other concerns.

*  How are you with resolving conflicts with each other?  Do you think you’re able to resolve them in a healthy, respectful manner?

*  Have you set goals together?  What does God want to do through you as a married couple?

*  What kind of a marriage do you want to build?

*  How do you picture your marriage in 10 years, (ideally)?

*  Describe relationships with immediate family members when you were growing up?

*  What is your relationship like with them now?

*  Do you think your relationship with your family members brings stress to your marriage?  If so, how?

*  What is your relationship like with your In-laws?

*  What relational bridges do you need/want to build or rebuild with your families?

and then…after you’ve been together for a few months in the mentoring relationship…

* How is your relationship different as a result of your mentoring/mentee experience?